Big Brother Is Watching You Undress
Baby move your butt, let me see that thong.
You may have seen reports recently about new security measures being implemented across various airports in the UK. Here at How Inappropriate we pride ourselves on bringing you the best advice possible to keep you and yours safe and so there now follows some guidance from HM Government.
Travelling by plane? In early 2010 you'll begin to notice some new security measures in place at airports around the UK. This is absolutely nothing to worry about, and is simply to address the Terrorist Threat Level which currently stands at Stewed Damson, or "Frenzied".
In and around the airport you might see more sniffer dogs in action, please try not to distract them as they go about their business, and please don't be alarmed if they thrust their expert noses into your groin.
There may also be a requirement to swab your luggage, clothing and possibly your groin. This is a new technology that allows us to quickly test for explosive residue. Or dried semen.
Our friendly airport security staff are always on hand to answer any questions you may have about procedures taking place, they may also require you to stand facing a wall, legs spread wide apart whilst they gently pat down your groin. If you could occasionally just glance over your shoulder and pout, that would be appreciated.
Carrying any liquids, sir?
Some major airports in the UK have now implemented full body scanners which enable security personnel to quickly ascertain what, if anything, you are packing beneath your clothes. You may wish to consider this before dressing for travel, and perhaps wear something to, you know, lift things, or let things swing loose. If staff need you to move in any particular way please help in any way you can, perhaps just give a little jiggle or bend over slightly, yeah, go on, like that, now move that leg, yeah, bit more, god yeah, I can totally see your -
With your co-operation we hope to make your visit to UK airport security a more pleasant, sensuous experience.
UK Government - Keeping You Horny