Tarquin Vandertwatt mourns the loss of a legend at the Beeb
Tarquin - devastated.
Hi, Tarquin here again, and I'm sure that, like me, you were shocked and saddened to hear that after 13 years of service Jonathan Ross will be leaving the BBC. Here at FIDDLING, the BBC's most valuable multi-platform future audience delivery unit, we are in 24/7 talent-mourning lockdown as we privately mourn the Loss of Ross. It was with great difficulty that I was able to share this loss with my Personal Delivery Assistant, Lucy, and 20 of my closest FIDDLERS at Belushi's, Shepherds Bush, during a three hour 'Innovative Newness' session.
The genius of Ross was his ability to reach such a wide audience. With his high-profile, prime-time chat show - the only one of its kind on the BBC, his three-hour prime time radio show on the most listened to station in the country, and his half-hour long weekly film review programme, again the only one of its kind on the BBC he captured the hearts of millions. To be able to reach such a great number of people with only 4.5 exclusive hours of prime-time broadcasting a week on the most popular networks in the country just goes to show what a talent the BBC loses in "Wossy".
Genius.
I find it difficult to really put into words what it was about Ross that made him such a truly infectious personality, but I think the BBC's own Media Correspondent, Torin Douglas, best articulated it when he said, "A lot of people hate him ... but that's because he's an arse-licking imbecile with a nauseating taste in suits." [Surely: "... but lots of others love him"? - Ed.] Who could fail to be amused when, on Russell Brand's radio show, he left a message on Andrew Sach's answerphone to say that Brand quite fancied a Wardolf Salad? Or what about the time when presenting the Royal Variety Performance, he turned to address the Royal Box and enquired whether the Queen had been flicking her bean during Michael Buble's performance? Priceless!
On his prime-time chat show he was able, through careful research of his interviewees, to give his massive audience fascinating insights into the stars of the day, such as Dizzee Rascal ("Your first album won the Mercuwy Prize. Did it help your caweer?"), Ben Stiller (Your new film is Night At The Museum 2. Has it already opened in Amewica?"), or a reclusive Ricky Gervais (The Office set a new standard for office-based sit-coms. Will Extwas be as bwilliant?") Is £3m a year too much for an interviewer of that calibre? I think not.
Yes it is a great loss to the BBC, of that there is no doubt. One thing is certain: the Corporation must now channel all its energies into finding, nurturing and developing a similar talent so that they can then go on to take home the salary of over one hundred assistant producers whilst attracting audiences to programmes and schedule slots that have traditionally garnered high viewing figuers whatever their content. These are exciting and cool new times. The next overpaid, over-rated, tactless, giggling idiot is out there, just waiting to be discovered. And I hope I'm not accused of dancing on the grave of Jonathan "The Boss" Ross when I say: Welcome to the Beeb, Michael McIntyre.