About the writers
HOW do you do?
No, thanks, we're trying to give up.
WHO would you like to meet?
James Blunt, then we'd like to smack him in his smug, self-satisfied, whiny ferret face with a large wet french grunt. It's the only language he understands.
WHAT are your hobbies and interests?
We're only interested in making you laugh. If we can do that, we'll have reached nirvana. We also like Nirvana. We like dinner and dancing and being taken out on the verandah afterwards to be whispered sweet nothings to in the balmy night air. But we won't let you touch us there, we're not *that* kind of sketch show.
WHICH music rocks your world?
We like gettin' down with no delay to the Flaming Lips, Pulp / Jarvis, Prince and slightly improbably, Carter USM.
WHAT films make you wet yourselves?
Team America - World Police, The Big Lebowski, This Is Spinal Tap and The Simpsons Movie all make us choke on our popcorn and m 'n' m combo with laughter.
HOW about books?
Books are self-emoliating rubbish. I dedicate this four-year project to the lights of my lives; Tabatha, Rodney, Sylivia and Fanny, not forgetting of course my pet racoon Stinky Dave, who had the sagacious foresight to chew up several first drafts...GET OVER YOURSELF MATE. We've read four pages of your self-congratulatory chuff and we still don't know what this door-stop's all about. Just thumbing through the thing is giving us a headache. And whilst we're on the subject: indeces, aren't they just the contents in the wrong order?
WHO are your influences?
The Simpsons, South Park, Family Guy, Mitchell & Webb, Fry & Laurie, Armstrong & Miller, Morecambe & Wise, Dudley Moore & Peter Cook, Monty Python, Chris Morris, Steve Coogan, Armando Ianucci, Eddie Izzard, Sarah Silverman, Charlie Brooker, Flight of the Conchords, The League of Gentlemen, The Hollow Men, We Are Klang.
HOW do you write together?
The short answer is, we don't. A certain amount of resentment has been brewing since Jovian found out that Bransby's penis is larger (more length than girth, though, if you catch our drift). He consoled himself with the knowledge that he is both funnier and has a more comprehensive understanding of the teachings of the Qu'ran than Bransby, but in order to prevent any further fights errupting during our writing sessions, we have employed a couple of burly minders to separate us. Unfortunately the minders can't stand each other either, and have asked us to employ a couple of even burlier minders to mind them, which is really starting to eat into Jovian's rent-boy earnings, if you ask us.
WHY bother?
Good question. Now piss off.